Saturday, June 25, 2005

Future

I spoke with my friend about jumping on this running after your dreams bandwagon (She’s about to embark on a journey of self employment- a combination of XXX and XXX XXX.) Everyone has been right about this. I’m jittery and nervous but in a really good way. I have self-doubts and that’s what led me to stop making books last time- nearly 2 years ago- I stopped because I was nervous. I stopped because of fear of success. How can one be afraid of success? I feel pressure when I make books I get nervous but it’s wonderful. When I’m filled with nervous energy about the books its great- I can stay up late and create these wonderful pieces that while they may not be the piece I need to finish it’s a great work of art anyway. It rejuvenates me and energizes me. In short, unlike the day job, the pressures of making books are a good one that makes me feel good. I know that no matter how much I need to do I can do it. I’ve got time, and I’ve got the motivation. It’s just a matter of getting through the nervous energy and focusing on the end goal- working for myself making my art. Art makes me feel good. Books make me feel good. Making books makes me feel great.

A note here for my coworkers who read this: I'm not leavibng the company. I'm thinking of it down the road- perhaps in 2 years or so. Even then I will step down and work a day a week or so. I still have thoughts of moving into a regional buying position. I'dlove to be KE's part time assistant.

(The DayJob has been a living nightmare lately. We had a Bridezilla and a nasty Maid of Honor come in and let’s just say my job is not to take verbal abuse. I make pretty flower arrangements and deal with some issues, but that’s it. I don’t get paid to have people make faces at me and treat me like I’m stupid. Speaking of which, it would be an interesting to study how people treat the workers at the store. It is a gourmet grocery store and the people who come in are for the most part pretty well off I think that what they don’t know is that many of my coworkers have college degrees and some even have masters and are working toward their PhD. I have a BA in Art with a concentration and a nearly finished minor in psychology. Perhaps it would be a nice starting point for an artist’s book.)

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